18 Weeks Old

So, it's been a looong time since I've posted. My main excuse? Exhaustion. Like, utter, total fuck- me-this-can't-be-my-life exhaustion. I know that everyone forewarns expectant parents of this and, like every expectant parent, I flipped these Negative Nancys off in my head and told myself, "Whatever. It's not like I've had an easy pregnancy. I'm USED to not sleeping."

Guys, I was wrong. I mean, sure, I was used to frequent bouts of insomnia and three bathroom breaks a night. I was certain that I had reached a solid 8 on the Official Exhaustion Scale and a 10 couldn't break me. I was wrong on both accounts.

Anyhow, June is now 4 months old (18 weeks tomorrow). She has finally grown out of her Colic Shit Storm, but she is not, by any means, an easy baby. I was up three times with her last night for hour-long nursing sessions. That's on top of the two hours it took to actually get her down the first time. This is normal for us. So, even though she's begun to coo and smile like a horribly delicious little bundle of cuteness, she still leaves me sputtering on fumes throughout the day. Luckily, those giggles are really helping to make it all seem worthwhile.

For the record, I did not put baby girl in this hat. I've got kind of a "less is more" mindset. If the little one wants to rock that big flower, though, more power to her. It's a little Summer 2000, but I'm not going to be the one to tell her.

7 Weeks Old

This is just a quick post to say that I'm alive, as is June. She'll be seven weeks old tomorrow. People often say, "Where has the time gone?!" To me, though, these seem like the longest seven weeks of my life. I love her. I adore her. But this shit is HARD right now. She has colic. I mean, she has some serious fucking colic. If that kid's not eating, she's usually crying. Napping during the day is rare. Sleeping at night is getting better, but it still takes a good two hours to actually get her down at first.

Still, I would not give it up. I know this is a phase and I've been through my fair share of waiting shit out in the past year. My pregnancy was rough and I got through that. I know we'll get through this too.

There are moments, though. Moments like these--where she is adorable and content and I think, "This is what I've been waiting for."

Also, I'm going back to work in ten days and I am currently trying my damnedest not to think about it. More on that later, I'm sure.

The Arrival

Well, June is now ten days old and I'm maybe, sorta, kinda starting to get the hang of this. Dude, I knew new babies were trying, but you don't really understand it until you're faced with one, screaming its head off at 3 a.m. while you desperately try to shove nipple into its mouth.

Her journey to the outside of my womb started at the very beginning of last Tuesday--about midnight. I woke up to some labor pains. I was sure that's what they were, but wasn't sure they'd actually stick around. They were painful but manageable. I didn't wake up C until about 2:30. I told him they'd been coming for a couple of hours, but they were kind of sporadic--5 minutes apart, 7 minutes apart, etc. He started keeping track of them and, by about 5:00 a.m. they were coming pretty consistently at 5 minute intervals. They never became any closer together, though, so we decided to lay down for a while. Well, I literally grabbed his hand in bed and squeezed through that pain every five minutes for the next couple of hours. He'd be drifting off to dreamland when, all of a sudden, I'd be clamping on like a rabid dog and he'd try to soothe me for the next minute until it subsided. By about 7:00 a.m. the pain was getting pretty rough and my contractions were still very consistent at 5 minutes apart, so we decided to go to the hospital. Once we checked in and they checked my cervix (which had been at a zero during my last appointment), they said that I was already at a five.

The doctor came in and broke my water and that's when my "I am woman, hear my roar" confidence shattered into a million pieces. The pain at that point was completely horrible. The entire time, my doc had been pressuring me into getting an epidural (I know), and I had been saying, "I want to get through as much without it as I can." Well, I had done just that and, when she offered again, I exclaimed, "Yes, anything!" I swear that chick has stock in that drug company.

Anyway, the epidural took about an hour to arrive and kick in and that whole time is just a blur right now. I'm pretty sure my mind blocked it out because of the pain. They checked me once the drugs kicked in, though, and I was already dilated to a ten. I was ready to deliver about two hours after I had arrived at the hospital. I couldn't feel a damn thing below my waist, which was A-okay with me at that point. I pushed little June out without any pain and while chit chatting with the staff and completely content.

We had a pretty uneventful hospital stay and returned home with our new little one last Thursday. Since then, it's been quite a learning experience. Having C off work for this first week has been amazing and I'm sincerely dreading him returning to work on Monday. It's not that I don't think I can handle her on my own--obviously it'll all work out. It's just that it's been so nice being able to feed her and then hand her off so that I can shower/eat/dress/check email...basically feel human. The company's not half bad either.

June and I are still both trying to get the hang of breastfeeding. She becomes a crazy goblin and won't latch on for the first 10-15 minutes of feeding times. She'll put the nipple in her mouth, and spit it out. She'll mash it in all wonky. She'll get only the tip and sip on it like a princess. Basically, she'll do everything but what she's supposed to. Then, magically, she'll get it right and the relief I feel cannot be described. We go through this every.single.time. So feedings tend to last a lot longer than they need to. This is really frustrating.

But then there are times like this... times when everything's peaceful and perfect and I remember how much I longed for her. I remember all the trying times--the tests, the pills, the IUI's, the endless worries. I remember that and look at her and think about how damn lucky we are. She's amazing.

Introducing...

June!

She was born yesterday, September 13th, at 10:10 a.m. She was 6lbs, 10oz and 20inches long.

I'll post more when I get home from the hospital, but...OH MY GOD!

Holding Pattern

Holy crap... 9 more days till my due date. Nine. That sounds so close, yet so damn far away, too. I mean, it seems far away when I'm cracking and creaking down the hallway and still trying to digest my meal four hours after I've eaten. It's true when they say this last month is uncomfortable as hell. But, yeah... nine days.

My doc said she won't let me go more than ten days over my due date without inducing. I'm hoping it won't come to that. I have major fear of induction. Read too many horror stories. Honestly, I still possess these ridiculous dreams that I'll end up going into labor in a couple days, and magical fairies will somehow make it fast and manageable and I'll be holding my healthy baby, smiling in some sparkly earth-goddess way three hours later. She will latch on right away, and it won't even hurt. My husband will say all the right things, take all the right pictures (in which I'll look put-together and not at all sweaty and miserable) and we'll just be tranquil and perfectly happy.

I mean, that could happen, right?

Yeah, okay... I DID say "ridiculous dreams."

Anyhow, we've really done as much as I can think to do at home. We've nested till our beaks fell off and everything's ready for her to make an appearance. Hell, you guys, I even spent a couple days in the kitchen and managed to make and freeze chili, lasagnas, chicken casseroles, enchiladas, and tons of burritos, so that we don't have to cook for a while after this shit goes down.

I'm ready.

Now I'm just waiting for Wink to get the message.

38 Weeks

Well, that's cheating a bit. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow. I had my OB appointment this morning, though and, despite all of that bed rest and pre-term labor hubbub, I'm fairly certain this kid is NOT coming out anytime soon. I'm still not dilating at all. I'm the same effacement (50%) that I've been since week 30. It's not that I'm dying for her to come out RIGHT THIS MINUTE (though walking has become pretty damn difficult, what with her head smushing against my pelvis), but it just makes me feel like the shitloads of distress I felt throughout my bed rest was all for naught. Who knows? Maybe she wouldn't have come out back then, whether I had ran a marathon or stayed cooped up in my bed, like I did. I guess that's the point, though. You never know...

I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm all of those things you'd expect me to be right now.

Our big Friend Holiday of the year is Oktoberfest at this little German restaurant in town, and that's happening this weekend. Despite the fact that this has been a HUGE deal for us for the past seven years, I couldn't be less enthused. I mean, the no-drinking-thing is a major reason for this, sure. But, moreso, I guess nothing can compare to the excitement of Wink.

I plan on stopping by Friday, after work, for some dinner and a huge helping of dessert. Then, I'll be leaving the rest of the celebration for C to take care of. It's his duty to party for two this year.

36 Weeks

Man, I really haven't updated in a while...

There's not a lot to catch anyone up on, though. I'm 36 weeks, 5 days pregnant right now. How crazy is that? I mean, this has been a rough-ass pregnancy and all, and there were definite times (um... bed rest, anyone?) that made me feel like it was never going to end. Looking back on everything, though, it seems to have gone so quickly. My actual due date is less than a month away, on September 21. Who knows when she'll actually decide to make an appearance, though.

I've been having contractions like crazy this past week. Nothing painful. It's just a LOT of tightening and it gets pretty uncomfortable sometimes. Not a big deal compared to the myriad of other things that I've felt so far during this whole thing.

This past weekend, C and I used a coupon I had for a free night's stay at a local hotel. It was set to expire in a couple of months and I knew there was no way we'd be able to use it once Wink shows up. It was a really nice way to spend the weekend--swimming, cuddling to movies, eating free breakfast (damn, I love eating) and, basically, just enjoying each other's company.

We also managed to get some good ol' nesting in this weekend by cleaning out our hall closets and packing our hospital bag. I had a hard time with that, considering I don't have a lot of doubles of things and I'm too cheap to actually go pay for them. So, I'll be half-living out of that bag for a little while. It'll work.

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and I'm sure she'll just check my cervix, measure my stomach, and I'll be on my way. These appointments are getting pretty "real," though. The first time they actually checked me last week, I was thinking, "Holy shit. We're HERE already? We're to this point?"

Very surreal. Very awesome. I couldn't be more grateful for where we are right now.